Kung Fu Panda Sneaks Chic Pix in Can, Benched Thursday

What do you do when you’re getting paid $17,600,000, your team is in dead last place, and you’re barely hitting your weight?  Sneak into the john during a game and start liking pictures of hot girls on Instagram, that’s what you do! Just ask Kung Fu Panda.

Pablo Sandoval did just that during the seventh inning of yet another Red Sox loss onPanda Pablo Sandoval Wednesday, and the result was that Panda sat on the bench last, (without his cell phone.) The Red Sox, by the way, won without him, beating the Atlanta Braves by a score of 5-2. Rookie Travis Shaw filled in for Sandoval, and despite going 0 for 4 was solid defensively. He apparently went the entire game with logging onto Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, Tumblr, Vine, or any other sites.

In 2011, it was fried chicken and beer that symbolized the Red Sox season. It seems that Sandoval would have been a better fit that year, being able to duck in and out of the clubhouse for the all-you-can-eat-and-drink buffets that Jon Lester, John Lackey, and Josh Beckett were a part of. This year the curse could be social media.

Rather than going onto Instagram during games, here are some suggested sites that would much better serve the round mound of the corner bag: weightwatchers.com, jennycraig.com, myfitnesspal.com, mensfitness.com, loseweightandhitbetter.com, earnyoureighteenmillionayear.com, actlikeyoucare.com, gobacktosf.com, or even howdidweletbeltregetaway.com.

One of the few bright lights in this dark season has been Brock Holt. He hustles, hits, and gives 100% each team he puts on the Red Sox uniform. He can play anywhere, and he’s a better bargain than Sandoval.  Holt is making $530,500, and that is $17,069,500 less than Sandoval.  Pound for pound, Holt is a better player.

Perhaps Panda will be remorseful, and this will be the turning point in a season that is apparently on a road to nowhere. Sandoval brought this on himself, so it’s impossible to feel sorry for him. The one I feel sorry for is whoever had to use the bathroom after big ole sweaty Panda got done with his seated performance on Wednesday night.

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